Politics, Foreign Policy, Current Events and Occasional Outbursts Lacking Couth

Friday, August 24, 2007

Bolivarian Time

Venezuela to change its time zone

"Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez has changed his country's name, redesigned its flag and rejigged its coat of arms in his drive for a socialist state.

Now the leftist reformer, highly popular for redistributing oil income, is seeking to move the country's time zone to offer a more equitable distribution of sunlight."

In related news, Chavez is also hard at work on several other initiatives:

-Stricken from text books the geographic label "South America." The South American continent is, here on out, to be referred to as "Venezuela."

-Progressing nicely on a massive project involving a megalithic formation of billions of colanders suspended over the country in an effort to fairly distribute rain. "If it's raining in Caracas than it'd better damn well be raining in Cucui," said Chavez, glaring in a menacing fashion at a small collection of cirrus clouds over head. (The cirrus clouds then speed off in the direction of Cucui, got half way there and realized they weren't even in the least bit cumulus clouds and so couldn't produce rain, shrugged and then headed for a pub.)

- Has replaced the month August with Chavust claiming "Augustus wore a skirt and I don't. Period."
Interesting fellow that Chavez.


Adrian said...

With that guy it's hard to tell if you're joking or not.

Jay@Soob said...

Lol. Yeah, Chavez is proof (as though we need it here) that the mediocre can, so long as they command both a fallacy of "change" and the colorful rhetoric to go with it, quite well rule the masses.

The last laugh will come when Chavez realizes the idiocy of building a complex (and expensive)socialist framework on a single (and traditionally financially spastic) commodity.

Adrian said...

Well I for one don't really see the price of oil going down any time soon...

Unknown said...

I've heard from some Venezuelan friends that he also issued an edict recently on how to dress yourself. Apparently, while still putting your pants on, a leg at a time, you have to begin with the left leg. LOL

Doesn't all this remind you of Kim's war on long hair?

At least, the time change does have some value to it, in that it does take advantage of more daylight in the country. I'm baffled as to why the change is only a half-hour change though.

Jay@Soob said...


nor do I, but I'd still never build a socialist infrastructure anchored by a traditionally spastic commodity.

Jay@Soob said...


"It stressed the "negative effects" of long hair on "human intelligence development", noting that long hair "consumes a great deal of nutrition" and could thus rob the brain of energy."

Lol, you can't make stuff like this up. I think I'd rather be born a mollusk than some poor bastard in North Korea.