Politics, Foreign Policy, Current Events and Occasional Outbursts Lacking Couth

Monday, May 26, 2008

Scott Dixon is Not Danica Patrick

Despite this obvious fact, Mr. Dixon went ahead (with the help of the IRL's only legally blind driver, Ryan Briscoe) and won the Indianapolis 500 anyway. We here at Soob smell an Australasian conspiracy brewing. Consider the facts:

Ryan Briscoe (Mr. "Oops, didn't see your car there Danica") is from Australia. Australia invented the platypus in an effort to thoroughly confuse and piss off American biologists, the bloomin' onion to make Americans fat and the boomerang to injure American frat boys who mistake it for a frisbee. We conclude they are both devious and cunning, quite contrary to the wholesome, friendly, "too easy, mate!" image popularly attributed to them.

Scott Dixon, while clearly not at all Danica Patrick (as illustrated above) is very much from New Zealand. It is well documented that New Zealand has been the irresponsible source of marauding orcs, the evil, glaring and voyeuristic Eye of Sauron and Russel Crowe (who went on to weaponize the telephone.) This island nation, affable enough to the untrained eye, is actually just as devious and cunning as their neighbor.

This was clearly a collaborative effort to deny an American woman her right to an Indy 500 victory.

Not to worry as we have brought this conspiracy to the attention of the Great Sage of Sports Justice, Arlen Specter. I fully expect that by the weeks end both Prime Ministers Kevin Rudd and Helen Clark will be seated before a Congressional hearing.


The Whited Sepulchre said...

Yeah, well the guys were fastest, but who had the greatest number of laps?
Who did the Floridians in the stands want to see win? Shouldn't their opinion count?
You know, RFK was assassinated before he finished the last lap.

Oooops. Sorry. Had a Hillary moment.

Jay@Soob said...